Love. Madness. Hope. Infinite Joy.

the joke's on me.

we used to have a private joke, where i'll act cute, hug u tight/squeeze your hand (depending on where we are), and shout gleefully...

"NOT LETTING GO!!"

In Times Of

Kit McCallum

My soul drifts aimlessly in times of hopelessness.

It searches tirelessly for meaning and truth...

Yet finds no direction.

My heart bleeds quietly in times of loneliness.

It yearns to find warmth and happiness...

Yet it somehow eludes me.

My eyes seek out visions in times of want.

They gaze endlessly through the blackness that envelops them...

Yet they cannot see the light.

My ears listen earnestly in times of silence.

They search for familiar sounds to comfort and console...

Yet they cannot penetrate the darkness that surrounds me.

My arms reach out frantically in times of despair.

They seek strength and compassion to enfold me...

Yet they find nothing substantial to enwrap.

My mind cries out desperately in times of solitude.

It poses intense questions that demand answers...

Yet there are none to be found.

*** ***

My hand reaches out earnestly in these times of confusion.

It dials the number of a familiar and calming voice...

And gratefully, my lifeline to sanity remains intact.

Growing Up

i looked around, and saw no one.

people are all too busy for me, and i place too much of my own happiness in the hands of others.
i am easily influenced.

my friends have made new friends,
and yet all i have is them.
its not jealousy, i'm glad cos i know they're with good company.
i just regretted my laid-back lifestyle all this while, and now i'm stuck with it.

now there're so many restrictions.
work liabilities. bf schedule. exam periods.
we cant talk freely now, and we cant meet as often as i'd like to.

when i look back, i realised that i've shrinked.
shrinked from confident to doubtful, from alert to unknowing, from happy to emo.
we had chalets, bbqs, outings in big groups.
we skipped school, had long night chats, met up on weekends to get bday presents.

now we text each other and shift the responsibility around.
then pay our share using internet banking.
late in meeting up, and (it seems to me) be eager to leave.
we've all become so unattractive, and.... realistic.

fact is, i'm still stuck.
i've always dreamed of being someone who can make a difference.
someone doing something indispensible, something meaningful.
even if its just a small contribution.

i can work towards this.
once i'm clear, i know i can.

SHARKWATER

during my first 3 months in SA, one of my classmates screened a video on shark finning in front of the whole school. the gruesome images made me swear never to touch shark's fin soup for one year, and i did just that. for one year, i skipped the 2nd dish at chinese weddings, to the delight of my brother, because then he gets 2 servings.

now, i swear off shark's fin soup for the rest of my life, and this blog entry would be all about them.

hongda's friend recommended us this documentary movie, Sharkwater. it basically marks a young man, Rob Stewart's journey in fighting to ban shark finning activities.

in definition, shark finning simply means to remove the fins of a live shark, then discarding the rest of the body back into the sea. ok now, imagine this: someone happens to think that your arm looks flabby and yummy, and chops it off. will you die immediately from the loss of one arm?

the answer is NO. similarly, when the cold blooded fishermen hooked them up, sliced off their fins and tails, took a victorious shot with the finless and bleeding sharks, and pushed them back into the sea, those poor creatures were still fighting for their lives.

and what happens? they either bleed to death, or get eaten alive by other fishes.

"so? they're already dead what. we shouldnt let them sacrifice for nothing!"

that is the most irresponsible thing anyone can say. let me see how to put it.... long ago, the chinese deemed the bear paw as a delicacy, often presented to emperors and royalties. now, bears are endangered species, and we view the ancient royal dish as a cruel, heartless one. so if we apply the above statement to a bear who died say, while giving birth to a baby bear. should we chop off its paws and marinate them with fancy spices? they're already dead what!

ok maybe i'm not very convincing. so now i'll throw in some pictures:

just imagine: one chinese wedding dinner, 30 tables. each table gets a fin, and we've killed 10 sharks. every day someone gets married, thats 3650 sharks that singapore killed in a year. and this number is far from accurate! some rich kid might be rinsing his mouth with these sharks fin while u're reading this!

whats so nice about sharks fin soup anyway!? when u scoop up a spoonful, its mostly broth and maybe some crabmeat and bean sprouts. it has no nutritional value, (maybe except from the bean sprouts) and no flavour. all the savory taste that we love, are from the broth. then? might as well just drink the soup w/o the fins right!

anyway, as of 2007, statistics have shown that the shark population has been decreased by 90%. NINETY FREAKING PERCENT! imagine if 90% of humans died. we're pretty much just left with the population of.... china. or even less.

in any case, let me slap u some facts.

1. humans kill more humans in a year than sharks do. and i do not mean things like, plane crashes and stuff. i meant murders. homocides. suicides. capital punishments. basically murder with an intent.

2. sharks are not like what they depicted in the movie Jaws. ask snake specialists. anacondas are not as bad as they are portrayed. what about crocodiles and alligators? just look at the late crocodile hunter. these animals are victimised because of popular culture.

3. we need sharks to maintain balance. not only in the sea, but also to balance the world. earth is made up of 70% water. what happens to the marine life directly affects us on land. being at the top of the food chain, these sharks have an important role to play.

Sharks eat small and medium-sized fish that feed on phytoplankton. That phytoplankton absorbs carbon dioxide. If shark numbers fall, the medium-sized fish multiply, leaving less phytoplankton to absorb CO2.

and the result? more global warming. as if the problem isnt big enough already.

Perhaps we don't all want to swim with sharks, but to destroy a group of species that have been part of the ocean's ecology for 400 million years in ignorance would be a terrible tragedy.

as Rob Stewart said, "It's like killing an elephant for ivory or a rhinoceros for its horns, except it's happening to the tune of 100 million sharks a year."

Go find out more about these creatures that predate dinosaurs. GOOGLE: sharkwater, sea shepherd, popular shark myths. even better still, get a copy of the show, sharkwater. trust me, it will be a life changing experience.

my life's regrets:

1. not going for overseas exchange.
2. not involved in any volunteering services.
3. no longer playing my trumpet.
4. not involved in any clubs, societies or sports.
5. not knowing my future direction.

gleam, but i am really thankful for:

1. my family.
2. my close friends.
3. my boyfriend.

as of now, my aims are:

1. to study/work overseas for an extended period of time.
2. to pick up piano again.
3. to save enough so that my child will not be deprived of precious overseas experiences.
4. to keep my closest friends tight.
5. to like myself more.